3^3 :: timely visions & poems


3^3 :: timely visions & poems


musings on my 28th birthday : .pdf (2015)

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And the train picks up speed. We rustle back and forth. Vibrating to the bones.

The well-worn path of “traveling” -- but this time, it is different. This time there is depth -- within my self, within my life — to rest on.

The freedom to sit and mark-make meaning with abandon has become uncommon in my life. This journey was my gesture towards reconnecting that part of myself. Lovingly re-doing a time in my life where I was the most lost, the most numb, the most wounded. That it why it felt so inevitable — and so non-negotiable.

Traveling by train reminds me of the Peace Pilgrim. Her journey by foot was “in time” — crossing the expanses in their true relation to human form. Breathing in all that lived in that space at that precise time. Bones resonating with earth. Absorbing impermanence and timelessness with each step.

Uprootedness used to feel freeing. But now I am Ent. Slow and methodical. Bringing along home-earth entangled in my roots.

Deep breath to harness the resonance and then to ride out on its waves. My breath expressing all that is unsaid in the moments between now — and now.

This journey has been marked by death, divorce, drama, and desperation. Travel, upheaval, career explosions. Poverty, starvation, and shame. A bruised heart locked inside a body seasoned to abuse. So much loss. A never- ending hope for something else.

Teachers, shamans, and loves entered my life to affirm that this journey meant something.

That the true struggle was dropping out of those ingrained patterns in my own life long enough to see there were other options.

To see I could stand tall. To see I could open my heart to the world. To see I could drink from a nourishing well. To see I could make a home without fear of being kicked out or being cajoled into leaving.

But the only response I could ever muster was, “How?”